Snuggling
by AngstyFluff
Summary: The Importance of snuggling  LJ ONE SHOT


Snuggling 

Snuggling is quite a feminine thing. Men don't snuggle; they grunt roll over and go to sleep. But Lily had found a man that snuggled with her… well, as close as anyone would be able to find. James Potter. One of her best friends, that she had been sleeping with for months and nobody knew about it. James snuggled with her, well not really he just lay there and let her snuggle into him, and what a body it was to snuggle into.

She snuggled her head into the nook between his neck and shoulder, one arm was on his other shoulder and the other thrown across his gorgeous abs. She loved sleeping next to him. She loved how she fit perfectly into his body. She loved how he kissed the top of her forehead every night, even when he thought she was asleep. She loved him. Now if only she could tell him that.

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JAMES' POV

All women like to snuggle, that is basically a fact. Most of the time I find it immensely annoying, but for some reason when Lily does it I find it comforting. I like knowing that she is there, even if she does sneak out before anyone would miss her. She only lives in the flat next door but our roommates are also our very nosey best mates, and Lily doesn't want anyone to know about us.

You see, it all started when some guy from the office dumped Lily. She was feeling pretty down, I was there with a bottle of firewhiskey and the next thing we knew we were tearing each other's clothes off. I felt awful the next day, as if I had taken advantage of her while she was vulnerable, but Lily seemed offended that I would think that. And so five months later here we are, sleeping together but being a secret.

Doesn't she see how much I adore her? I would literally do anything for her, anything she asked me to. To me she is perfect, even her flaws are perfect. I thought I had gotten over her at school, but apparently not. I am hopelessly and completely in love with Lily Evans and she has no idea. But at least being with her in secret is better than not being with her at all.

It's not even about the sex for me. Don't get me wrong, the sex is mind blowing, but the part I really look forward to is when we go to sleep and she snuggles into me, like it's her way of letting me know she is there. Then every night I kiss her forehead before I go to sleep, that is the best way to end any day; kissing the woman you love, even if she doesn't love you back.

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It was just another normal night. Lily and her friends had gone to a club earlier and had saw James and his friends. After everyone else had gone to bed, Lily had sneaked into James' room, and was now snuggling into him about to go to sleep.

"Lily?" he whispered.

"Yeah," she said.

"It's just…" started James. Then he decided he really didn't want to disrupt the peaceful atmosphere. "Never mind, it doesn't matter." Then to reassure her that everything was fine, he kissed her forehead and settled into falling asleep.

"Is something bothering you?"

"No… it's nothing really."

"James you are a terrible liar," said Lily. "Just tell me, what is bugging you?"

"It's just… what are we doing Lily? We've been doing _this_ for months now but we haven't talked about it. Are we friends with benefits? Are we more than that? I just don't know," said James.

"Um…" said Lily. Although she would never say it, she was hurt James would think that they were just friends with benefits. It cheapened what they had. Maybe James did just see it as a quick screw with someone he could stand, maybe it was just sex? Well she couldn't tell him she loved him if he was just going to tell her she meant nothing to him.

"Lily…"

"We're having a good time," said Lily, which was true.

"A good time?" said James sadly.

"Yeah it's fun isn't it."

"So you don't want to tell everyone and…"

"No it's better this way," said Lily. If she couldn't have James properly, she could at least try and keep a little bit of him in secret. At least that would be something.

"I see," said James. She still didn't want him, and it was as hurtful as every one of her rejections at school.

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The next night Lily was crouching on the ground outside of a club gasping for breath. She couldn't handle what she had just seen. James had been dancing with a girl, which she didn't like but she could handle it. But what she couldn't handle was when James had started to kiss her right in front of Lily. So being such a mature adult Lily had ran outside and now she felt like she couldn't breathe.

James had seen the look on Lily's face when he had pulled away from kissing the blonde woman. He couldn't quite place what emotion he saw, shock, jealousy, betrayal, anger, but most of all he saw the hurt on her face and in her eyes. He had really hurt her. He had hurt Lily and he had to put it right. He hadn't meant to hurt her, he had been so down after she had told him they were just having a good time and he really didn't mean anything to her. So he thought if he flirted and danced with the blonde he would feel better, and be able to start getting over Lily, he had to move on. But then he saw Lily and he felt like the world's biggest bastard.

He made his excuses to the blonde and he followed Lily outside. He couldn't see her and at first thought she had gone home. Then he heard someone gasping, he walked round the corner into an alley. And there was Lily crouched on the ground, gasping for air.

"Lily… I—" started James, crouching next to her.

He didn't get to finish what he was going to say because Lily had decided to slap him in the face with her bag.

"What the bloody fuck…?" said James angrily touching his cheek where she was broken skin.

"Go… away," gasped Lily, getting to her feet.

"Lily… let me…"

"No, just stay away from me," she shouted. "I don't want you near me."

"But…"

"But nothing, just the thought of you touching me makes my skin crawl. How many were there?"

"What?"

"How many more were there? How many women are you sleeping with? I should have expected it really, I knew you were a player(…)!" shouted Lily.

"None, just you… let me explain, I haven't been…" shouted James frantically.

"I don't care, just… don't come near me again," said Lily, still shaking. "And to think I actually thought I could fall in love with you… stupid."

"Lily…" said James pathetically, but she was already gone.

James sank back down to the ground, he couldn't believe what had happened in the past few minutes. Lily thought he had been using her for sex while sleeping with Merlin knows how many other people. But she had fallen for him, she said so he actually had a chance with her and he had blown it. How had that happened?

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A week later around four in the morning, Lily couldn't sleep. She hadn't been able to sleep all week, she was too used to having James next to her to sleep normally now. They hadn't spoken since the night outside the club, Lily felt bad, she had overreacted and jumped to conclusions. She didn't really believe that James was sleeping around, but she had just been so heartbroken to see him kiss someone else that she couldn't even think rationally. She loved him so much and she couldn't bear to be so intimate and close to him without having him feel the same. She just had to stay away from him and hope that she could eventually get over him.

She was sitting out on her balcony looking out over Diagon Alley, she had her blanket wrapped around her even though it was the end of May it was still cold outside in the middle of the night. She couldn't help but let a few tears escape when she thought about James. It had gotten to the stage where she physically ached for him at night.

Lily jumped when she heard a noise next door, apparently someone else couldn't sleep and had the same idea as her. She heard their balcony door open. She inaudibly gasped when she saw it was James.

"Lily," said James. He had been dying to talk to her all week but it was impossible to get her on her own. She wouldn't so much as look at him. "Are you crying?"

"Goodnight James," said Lily coldly as she got up and went inside.

But James wasn't giving up that easily, obviously Lily was alone now.

Lily was standing in the kitchen looking out of the window when James crept in. He could see that her shoulders were slightly shaking, she was crying. He went over to her and slipped his arm round her waist.

"G—go away," said Lily, trying to stop her tears.

"Talk to me Lily, please at least just listen," he pleaded. He couldn't let her go now, not when he hadn't been able to hold her all week. It would be impossible for him to let her go now.

"I—I don't want to hear it," said Lily weakly.

"Please just give me five minutes," said James, pulling her closer to him.

"I don't want to."

But she didn't pull away, she just stood there and let him hold her. He took that as a sign that he should start talking now.

"I wasn't sleeping with anyone else, it was just you I swear," said James. "I'm sorry about the woman at the club, I was an idiot."

"Alright," said Lily quietly.

"Alright? What does that mean? Do you believe me?"

"Yes I believe you. I overreacted and for that I'm sorry," said Lily, trying to ignore her pounding heart.

"So… we can…"

"No," said Lily firmly, moving out of his reach. "I think we should just forget what happened between us. It was great while it lasted but... we're friends… good friends let's just keep it at that."

"No… Lily no," said James, shaking his head. "I don't want that."

"It's for the best," Lily insisted.

"No it's not, Lily look at me," said James, twirling her round to face him. "I asked you what we were doing, I asked you. You could have told…"

"No I couldn't… you asked if we were 'friends with benefits'! The fact that you even asked shows that that is what you thought we were, so I couldn't tell you that I loved you when you just wanted a quick fuck!"

"Listen to yourself. I was trying to figure out what you were feeling… you were never a 'quick fuck' never, not to me. You should know that!" said James forcefully.

"How? How should I know that?" shouted Lily.

"How many times did I ask you out at school? For how long did I adore you?"

"That doesn't count," scoffed Lily. "That was school, we are supposed to be grown ups now."

"That is what I thought… but here we are, five years later and I still can't stop thinking about you!" said James, his eyes flaming in anger.

"James…" whispered Lily, James had never been so angry with her.

"I'm sorry but what the fuck am I meant to say? I am so in love with you it scares the shit out of me! You finally say that you might be feeling something for me and then… GOD, YOU ANNOY ME!"

"James calm down," said Lily, touching his arm, as soon as she did he visibly relaxed. He reached out and pulled Lily into a hug.

"Please talk to me, tell me what you're feeling because I can't take this much longer," he said softly. It was amazing how quickly one simple gesture could calm him right down.

"I love you," she said quietly, cuddling into his body. "I'm sorry, but I really love you and I hate being without you. I love how kind and sweet you are, I love how you can make me laugh no matter what. I love how you let me snuggle into you and I love how you kiss my forehead every night. I love you and I love how much I need you. I can't even sleep at night without you."

"Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"Date me?"

"Yes."


End file.
